Dancing into Being



When I began writing this blog, I felt words spilling and tumbling out of me. I found so much joy in crafting sentences and paragraphs to share my experiences. Then, my experiences became so profound, words started to seem incomplete and frustrating. I had begun dancing again, and I was moving in ways so profound that I was speechless. I moved away from writing and focused on dancing, and on simply being.
As thing spiraled along, I have come back to a place where words seem appropriate… I want to chronicle this new part of my journey. I am still dancing but rather than it taking me to a wordless metaphysical place, I find my dance is allowing me to once again inhabit the world of form and words. I am really enjoying the physically of life, and being present in my body.

I used to feel frustrated and trapped in this dimension as a human. Now I’ve really come to appreciate that we all chose to be here, to be spiritually beings inhabiting a body. We came to learn things we couldn’t if we always stay in our lightbodies. So, I’ve decided to embrace my physical form and learn whatever I can from it.
I’m embarking on a new mission, to listen to my body and love it,. To respect it and to use it as a tool for unearthing deep wisdom about living as spirit on a physical plane.
I’ve started a new blog to chronicle my thoughts and experiences.

Come join me as I explore what it’s like to really listen to the storehouse of wisdom contained in my cells and as I learn to unite my body, mind and soul together as one super awesome entity of wholeness!



Beyond Words

I hardly write anymore.

The words no longer come as easily. They seem incredibly imprecise, and unwieldy.Sounds like a case of writer’s block, but fortunately, it’s just a new part of my experience. It seems that the further along I go on my spiritual journey, the less important words become. Maybe it’s because there are no words for many of the experiences I have. Not in any language I know, at least. Any time I try to describe where I am now, the words seem trite and clumsy.

I am so glad there are other ways to communicate. When I am present with you, I can communicate so much more clearly- a smile, a look, a touch, a hug…

Then, there is also the dance.

When I dance, I touch the deepest parts of my own spirit, and if you watch me, and you notice- you can feel it too.See? Even that sounds trite. It doesn’t begin to convey the energy that is exchanged between us. The energy work I do  (that we all do) when we move authentically and dance in ecstatic communion with the universe.

It seems like it is a common experience though, to lose interest in words. One of my inspirations to start blogging about my journey, Ariel Bravy who had an amazing blog You are Truly Loved writes about it here :http://www.youaretrulyloved.com/

He writes that he has literally no desire to go into the changes that transpired within that made him lose interest in the process of documenting his spiritual experiences. He says “It’s like, when you learn how to walk, just walk! “.

I learned to walk, and then I learned to dance and I want to explain it, but I can’t. I will occasionally continue to try, it’s moving beyond words… Into the realm of experience.



The Ultimate Lesson (I Need Sacred)

Last February, I sprained my ankle so hard, I chipped off a piece of bone in the middle of my foot (it’s called an avulsion fracture).  I was off work for 8 weeks (since I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t serve) and the whole experience was pretty intense.

I learned so much during that period. I learned what I needed to be happy and healthy (sleep, food, sunshine, cuddles and dance were right up there on the list). I learned how to ask for help. I learned how to communicate better with my family. I learned just how lucky I was to have the friends, family and fiance that I have. I learned how to appreciate the simple things in life, like being able to walk, stand or take a shower. When I struggled with an inflamed nerve, I learned how desperate and angry pain can make you.

Throughout the whole experience, I was grateful for the lessons it was bringing. I knew how necessary they all were and I’ve been taking much better care of my mental and physical health since then. I also have integrated dance into my every day life, which brings me so much joy it’s hard to believe.

Almost a year later, when I had pretty much forgotten how much the whole thing had hurt,  I pulled a tendon in the same  foot.  It started rubbing on the same nerve I had injured the year before, and suddenly every step hurt… For a few days, every breath hurt. It was agonizing fiery nauseating pain that was confusing as hell, because there wasn’t a single incident that preceded it. Turns out it was a just a series of micro traumas caused by poor biomechanics. It was an inevitable injury because I was out of alignment. Physically and spiritually.

Our bodies are our messengers. When we are in pain, or injured, it’s our souls way of getting our attention. There are so many lessons to be learned from our pain.  You can dialogue with your body part, and ask it what’s wrong. It seems silly, but there is so much wisdom within you that is just waiting for you to listen.

So I went through physio, I was kind to my ankle, I tried to honor it and I asked it what was  wrong. All it would tell me was that there were lessons to be learned still.

Any time I tried to do any energy healing, it would tell me… Not yet, there are still lessons to be learned from your pain. It slowly got better, but tendons do not heal very quickly, and the injury was keeping me from living full-out, from working full-out and most importantly from dancing full-out.

2 months into this annoying pain, I was at a music event, and I wanted to dance. It had been fine earlier in the day, but suddenly the pain was back. Exasperated, I sat down and asked my leg (Ok, fine, I yelled at my leg) “What do you need?” “What is it?!?” “Seriously, what is the lesson here, what do you want????!?”

My leg replied, ” I need sacred.”

A wave of relief and understand came over me, as I finally understood the lesson. The pain is there as a reminder to me to deepen my connection to the divine, to the sacred. To realize and honor my spirit.

I am at a point in understanding and connection to my higher self, that I can tune into that feeling of deep bliss and connection to the god-source any time I focus my attention on love. I don’t do it all the time though, of course. I’m busy and caught up in life and what-have you.

But my pain is there to remind me to tune in more often.  Basically, the only way for me to live a pain-free existence is to spend my time in blissful consciousness.  The pain’s role is to ninja whip my consciousness into shape.

So there it is.. The Ultimate Lesson from my leg.

It’s almost ridiculous, really. I laughed and laughed and laughed when I realized what my guides and my spirit had put together to train me. It’s ingenious really. Devious too. Spirit does have a wicked sense of humor, and I am so grateful for the lessons.


In A Place Beyond Words

I haven’t been thinking much lately and it’s been really nice.

I’ve been visiting a place beyond words… A place of pure sound, pure experience. A place where kittens live.

When I talk to them, it’s usually a greeting, something  non nonsensical, or just a few soothing words.  But when I’m with them, I try to stay present, in the moment.

When I play with them, I am usually engaged. It’s hard not to be. They’re hilarious, the two of them- Q and Moo. I will admit that I’ve gotten bored after 45 minutes of playing with a feather sparkly thing on a stick and I’ll sit at my computer, dangling the stick beside me, but I usually tire them out before I get bored.

When they come up to sit on my lap, especially at the computer, I try to stop whatever I’m doing and give them my full attention. They reward me for that with giant purrs that soothe my soul and heart stealing moments where they just gaze into my eyes with what I feel is genuine love and affection. Especially Q, my beautiful 9 week old lady with the icy blue eyes that seem to know me from somewhere or somewhen far away from here.

These kittens take me out of whatever it is I am thinking about and make me put aside any plans I am making. They  take me deep into the moment. It feels full and alive, joyous, lucky and peaceful.


Q and Moo





Sometimes I feel like the luckiest girl in the world

I am so immensely grateful for my friends and family. I am surrounded by amazing, incredibly loving and supportive people.

This post is purely to say thank you to everyone.

It was sparked by my gratitude for a surprise birthday party on Saturday night. I went to a concert with my fiance and two of my best friends, and met up with a few more friends there, but unfortunately, due to $ and circumstances, not everyone was able to make it that night. I figured I just wouldn’t really have a big gathering this year. But I came home to find a group of my friend hiding and giggling in my bathroom at 2:30 in the morning. I had no idea what they had been planing, and it was a crazy beautiful surprise orchestrated by my fiance and best friend.

Then to top it off, they brought art supplies and they painted two beautiful abstracts of how they see me and my soul.

They are so beautiful, I cried. The pictures don’t really do them any justice.  My friends are artists, every one of them, in professional and just for fun capacities… I can’t believe I get to hang these works of art where I can see them everyday and be reminded of  how much love there is in the world, and how lucky I am to be a part of it.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Other creative outlets

I haven’t posted much lately because I’ve been obsessed with another creative outlet of mine. Dance, and more specifically hoopdance.

I’ve gotten a few new hoops and I haven’t wanted to put them down. I haven’t wanted to do much else honestly. I find dancing to be a place of meditation for me as well as form of exercise and way to play and to be free.

Dancing with a hoop is dancing with centrifugal force as a dance partner. It’s just you and the laws of physics dancing together, the hoop responding to your every move. Best dance partner I’ve ever had. It takes me to a flow state, a place of presence so much more quickly than any other thing I do.  It’s also a toy, it’s fun to play with (although the hoops we dance with are bigger and heavier than toy hoops).


I have been finding my expression through dance, rather than words, but I started to feel the words plugging up inside me too. I know I need to find a balance, but it always takes me awhile. So, if I’m not posting, blame the hoop, blame work, blame my laziness. But I’ll be back. I have way too much to say to stay away for very long.

My Meditation on 11/11/10

A few days ago I posted about the project http://www.newrealitytransmission.com/ which was encouraging people to meditate on world peace and raising consciousness on 11/11/10 at 11:11 pm EST for 11 mins, and then continue for 11 days.

I had a few friends over that night, beautiful wise beings who are talented lightworkers, healers and artists. We had a bit of extra time together to prepare and connect before the meditation because we had miscalculated the translation from EST to MST originally. It was divine timing really, because we were able to take our time setting up an altar with crystals, candles, incense, statues and some oracle cards. We smudged the house with sage and enjoyed each others company. I had bought a bottle of wine with the intention of opening it afterward in celebration, but in a moment of inspiration (or was it thirst?) I decided to open it and I poured us a glass in a red goblet. We toasted to many things. Life, light, love, peace, friendship… It was some of the most delicious wine I’ve had, and I think that was a combination of the set, setting and company and divine guidance for the evening.

We settled in to meditate after inviting our guides, and any other beings of light who wanted to join us. I closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths and said “guide me!”

I used a circular breathing pattern I learned from a meditation retreat in Sedona, Az. You basically just take one breath after another, without pausing at all between inhalations and exhalations. This sends more oxygen into your blood than you are used to and can take you to some pretty deep places quickly.

The first image I saw was of a Thai stone Buddha statue. Just the face, and it was the Buddha of compassion.There were so many other images and sensations. The most amazing things was seeing the earth light up with a grid of energy connecting all living beings. I saw the human brain light up, and bodies made of light. Then I had the almost overwhelming sensation of feeling connected to everyone, including friends from countless lives past. We had a beautiful soundtrack playing, and once the bird songs came in, it was like being immersed fully in all of nature.

I said to myself “I never want to leave here!”. It was blissful and joyful, and I was told “You’re always here, silly!”.

Then, our timekeeper rang, and we all slowly roused ourselves from our meditation. It was the shortest 11 minutes of my life, and none of us wanted to stop! It was beautiful. It was amazing.

I can’t wait for tonight.

Haters Gonna Hate

I say things that challenge the status quo quite often. Things that might sound pretty friggin crazy to some people. I have a non traditional belief system, but because I live and work amongst like minded people, who have open minds and open hearts, I often forget just how different my worldview is.

I know that we are all one, that we are sparks of the divine consciousness who have chosen to incarnate on Earth to learn as much as we can and to spread light where we can.  I know that we are creators of our own reality, not the victims of circumstance.

I know that the essence of life is love, and that spirit exists and that magic is real (it’s just a form of manifestation through visualization). I know that there is a soul, and that our consciousness  does not end with the death of our physical form. I know that we have all the help available to us that we need and that life can be good, and fun and worthwhile.

These aren’t mere beliefs. This is truth that resonates deep within my soul. Either that, or I’m batshit crazy and so are all my friends and fellow lightworkers.

There are lots of folks out there that would think that I am crazy. Schizophrenic even. If the things I talk about are completely out of their frame of reference it can really come off that way, especially online. That’s fine. Haters gonna hate, and people are going to be scared and resistant to new (old) ideas. Especially ones that challenge their belief that there is no god, or if there is one, he is the paternalistic sky god from the bible who goes around smiting people. I know that stems from pain, and fear…  From feelings of abandonment. When people forget, or don’t realize that they made a choice to come here, and  live lives that are full of lessons, it can seem like life is just hard and unfair with an uncaring god, or worse, no god at all.  It’s hard to hear that you might be the one responsible for your pain, and for all the things in your life. Really hard.  It’s easier to blame someone else. To allow yourself to be victimized by others, by their families, by society at large.

But we are the creators of our own reality and existence. We are gods and goddesses in every sense of the word. We create the life we live and the lives we lead.

Some people really hate that idea.

That’s ok.

It’s all just love anyway, underneath it all. The ideas of hate and anger are illusory. They stem from the idea that we are anything separate from God, or from love. We chose that separation to be able to learn, but now we’re coming back to a time of non duality. The paradigm is shifting and more and more people are awakening.

It’s hard and scary for people to let go of the hate  and anger that they have in their hearts, but it’ll happen eventually.

It’s already happening.

Millions of people and countless beings of light are all working together, and will keep working until all of humanity understands that we are all one, and that all is love.

We are spiritual and physical beings

I’ve heard the phrase, ‘we are spiritual beings having a human experience’ quite a few times over the last few weeks. I couldn’t agree with that more.  Our souls, our essence is spirit. It is light, consiousness, eternal.  We come from the source and we are made of the same stuff- pure awareness made manifest.

But we come to Earth, or any other physical plane to learn about existence incarnate. In bodies, instead of energy. We fuse our soul and consiousness into a physical body, after we make a conscious choice to do so. We aren’t sent here kicking and screaming against our will. We choose the experience so we can learn as much as we can, and spread as much love and light around as possible.

The point isn’t (usually) to transcend our physical bodies, although that can be done. The point is to fully inhabit them! We are spiritual beings, purposefully having a physical experience. There are so many joys to being in a body.  Being able to move, breathe, dance, make love, run, and sleep. We don’t have these kinds of sensations the same way when we exist in our spirit form.

There is nothing profane about the body or anything physical, in spite of what the puritanical roots of North America might say. The body is sacred. It deserves to be revered, and treated with respect.  To do that, we have to honor and acknowledge our physical side. Take pleasure in our bodies, and in what they can do.

Delight in the sensations the physical world brings… The feel of a soft material brushing against your skin, the sensation of gliding through water when you swim, the feel of your heart pounding in your chest when you run, or even when something startles you. This is what being alive feels like.

Fully integrating with the body actually helps your spiritual growth. Fighting against your own incarnation does more harm than good. Even if you don’t really want to be here, and you miss home- you’ll get far more out of the experience if you allow yourself to enjoy your physical exisitence.

You can do this by becoming comfortable in your body, learning to pay attention to it, and what it is telling you. When you spent too much time in your head, you disconnect from the wisdom of your body.  You’ll only be comfortable fully inhabiting your body if you take the time to properly care for it. Feed yourself, water yourself, exercise, and get enough sleep. If you don’t care for your body, being in it becomes unpleasant, and then we disconnect to avoid feeling those unpleasant sensations, and miss such a integral part of our human experience.

Be in your body, although you are not of it. Love it, and it will love you back. More love is always a good thing.



Weather and Mood

Anyone living in Alberta this year has noticed we have had some unusual weather. It’s rained so much here in Edmonton that I’ve felt like I was living in Vancouver, or Ireland.

At first it was fun. It was novel and different. I love the rain.  I love the way it cleans everything up, makes everything smell, and how it smells after the rain. It was even fun to bike home in the rain at times. But after a few months of this, with sunny warm summer days few and far between- it started to get to me.  It turns out I love the rain far more when it doesn’t rain all the time.

I stopped biking to work, cause I was sick of being soaked on a surprise shower riding home. I stopped dancing in the backyard with my hoop as often, cause the ground was water logged and the grass was full of mushrooms. I stopped feeling as joyous as I normally do.

I’m a creature that loves the sun, and the sky, and the moon. I love being outside, but it turns out I don’t like constantly being soggy. I always had a suspicion I would have a hard time living in Vancouver. The sun energizes me, and without it I start to become as withdrawn and gloomy as an overcast day.

We have beautiful weather today and I’ve been outside, playing in it. Recharging myself and enjoying the warm fall day. But I don’t want to get carried away. It’s going to be nice for the next couple days, but I know the rain will come back.

Is there a way to stockpile sunshine? I’m going to try, somehow. Soak more of it up in my veins. But while I’m out there, I want to start thinking about ways of making it through the rain, and snow when it returns.

I have a few strategies dressing for the weather always helps.

Making outside for fresh air even if it’s gross out helps too.

Taking a mid winter vacation somewhere sunny and warm works, but isn’t always feasible.

I know there are lightbooks out there that you can use to supply yourself with some more “natural sunlight rays” indoors that work like a charm for people with seasonal affective disorder, but I don’t think I suffer from that (although I’m sure using the lightbook couldn’t hurt).

Supplementing Vitamin D helped me last year when I was stuck inside with a broken ankle in March.

I’m going to be on the lookout for more things to combat the weariness that can sneak up on me when I don’t get enough sunshine, but for now, I’m just gonna go out and play in it.

What strategies do you have in place for the coming darkness ahead?