A Stroke of Insight- Experiencing Nirvana

Years ago, I read the inspiring story of Jill Bolte Taylor, a brain researcher who experienced a devastating stroke in her left hemisphere.

She had the unique perspective of being able to watch and study the brain functions of her left hemisphere shut down, leaving her in a state of pure being and pure awareness.

She was able to understand what was happening to her clinically, as an educated observer. What she found was a blissful state. Nirvana. Peace, complete and utter peace and expansiveness. She felt the oneness of the universe.  She also realized that she attained this state while in human form, and that it was possible. She had the drive to recover, and come back from Nirvana as a Bodhisattva and help the rest of us get there too.

If you have 20 minutes, please watch this video where she tells her story.  (You’ll have to copy and paste the link into your browser, sorry).

The energy she shares vividly took me to that same place of peace she experienced during her Stroke of Insight.

I am going to re-read her book, My Stroke of Insight right now.

It’s absolutely stunning to realize that we are not our left hemisphere’s daily chatter,  our details,  or our stream of consciousness babble that permeates our daily existence. We can step outside of this linear state and into everything.

Haters Gonna Hate

I say things that challenge the status quo quite often. Things that might sound pretty friggin crazy to some people. I have a non traditional belief system, but because I live and work amongst like minded people, who have open minds and open hearts, I often forget just how different my worldview is.

I know that we are all one, that we are sparks of the divine consciousness who have chosen to incarnate on Earth to learn as much as we can and to spread light where we can.  I know that we are creators of our own reality, not the victims of circumstance.

I know that the essence of life is love, and that spirit exists and that magic is real (it’s just a form of manifestation through visualization). I know that there is a soul, and that our consciousness  does not end with the death of our physical form. I know that we have all the help available to us that we need and that life can be good, and fun and worthwhile.

These aren’t mere beliefs. This is truth that resonates deep within my soul. Either that, or I’m batshit crazy and so are all my friends and fellow lightworkers.

There are lots of folks out there that would think that I am crazy. Schizophrenic even. If the things I talk about are completely out of their frame of reference it can really come off that way, especially online. That’s fine. Haters gonna hate, and people are going to be scared and resistant to new (old) ideas. Especially ones that challenge their belief that there is no god, or if there is one, he is the paternalistic sky god from the bible who goes around smiting people. I know that stems from pain, and fear…  From feelings of abandonment. When people forget, or don’t realize that they made a choice to come here, and  live lives that are full of lessons, it can seem like life is just hard and unfair with an uncaring god, or worse, no god at all.  It’s hard to hear that you might be the one responsible for your pain, and for all the things in your life. Really hard.  It’s easier to blame someone else. To allow yourself to be victimized by others, by their families, by society at large.

But we are the creators of our own reality and existence. We are gods and goddesses in every sense of the word. We create the life we live and the lives we lead.

Some people really hate that idea.

That’s ok.

It’s all just love anyway, underneath it all. The ideas of hate and anger are illusory. They stem from the idea that we are anything separate from God, or from love. We chose that separation to be able to learn, but now we’re coming back to a time of non duality. The paradigm is shifting and more and more people are awakening.

It’s hard and scary for people to let go of the hate  and anger that they have in their hearts, but it’ll happen eventually.

It’s already happening.

Millions of people and countless beings of light are all working together, and will keep working until all of humanity understands that we are all one, and that all is love.

New Reality Transmission

An international group of physicists and mathematicians have created a movement called the New Reality transmission that aims to create peace on earth, through applied physics.

“…According to the most well-tested theory in Physics, Quantum Mechanics”, your consciousness changes reality. In this theory, the phenomenon known as the Collapse of the quantum wave function is what brings reality into existence. This is a fancy way of saying that one’s conscious  observation of small unseen waves actually causes those waves to “collapse into matter. In other words, conscious observation materializes particles into existence.”

We create our own reality, and through conscious intention we can change it.
On 11-11-10, at 11:11 pm EST, for 11 minutes- people will join together on the website or wherever they are to project their conscious intention to heal the world. To create peace.  To change the world.

This will happen for 11 days, and again on 1/11/11 and 11/11/11.


Please join us!

I’m so excited, I actually wept with joy reading the website. This is it folks. This is why we’re here, and what we’ve been waiting for. We’re creating a new reality for ourselves, where people understand we are the conscious creators of our lives. Fear, war, poverty, hate- they’ll all disappear and in their place- we’ll have love, joy and freedom!





Nadir Yoga (There is only one message)

I read recently about an interesting practice called Nadir yoga*.

* Yoga isn’t just  the physical practice of postures and breathing  that you normally see. That’s called Hatha yoga, and was developed as a way of yogis to prepare their body for sitting in long hours of meditation. There are many kinds of yoga, which literally means- path to the divine, or state of union with the divine.  For example, there is Jnana yoga, which is the path of knowledge (reading and interpreting sacred texts, etc) , Bhakti yoga- the path of devotion (through prayer, meditation, ritual, festival etc), and many others.
Nadir yoga is  the practice of listening closely to the ringing/buzzing tones that lightworkers often hear in their ears. These tones are said to be messages- information for us that is being downloaded into our psyche, subconsciously by beings of light. Angels, guides, ascended masters or what have you. Beings who are helping us on our journeys.

When you listen closely to these tones, by closing your eyes in a quiet space, and focusing on them intently, you can ride with the tones deeper and deeper into a meditative place and altered states of consiousness.

Tones and ringing like this can be from a physical source, like you were listening to loud music, or they could have a neurological source. If this is the case, attention and focus on the tones won’t change anything. But if they are messages for you, with your focus and attention, the tones will shift and change, and you can follow them towards the divine.

The other night, I was listening intently, focusing inwards on the ringing in my ears which I found brought me into a peaceful meditative state quite quickly. I enjoyed listening to the tones as they changed, it was fascinating, and brought my attention deeper and deeper within myself. At some point  I asked what the message was and  I was told, there is only one message: Love.

Taking Pride In Your Work

When people ask me what I do for a living,  I usually reply, I’m just a server.

Never mind that I can’t think of anything I’d rather do right now, never mind that I love my job, that it’s fantastic money, and flexible hours. Never mind that I work at one of the nicest restaurants in the city.  I still have a hard time taking ownership of my job title.

I used to have more prestigious job titles in front of my name. Box Office Manager, Operations Manager. They sound better than being a mere ‘server’, don’t they? I used to have employees, tons of responsibility (and the stress and long hours that come along with it).  I don’t really miss that (all right, sometime I do), but I do miss the sense of pride that came with having those jobs.

I have been working on taking pride in what I do now. I have made a conscious choice to be doing what I am doing, and I love it! I love hosting people. Entertaining them, plying them with food and drink and helping them enjoy their meal out.  I love taking care of them. It’s something I do very well, and I do take pride in that. It’s a fantastic feeling to be complimented on your service, either verbally, or with a big tip (although the best feeling is when both are given at once).  But I still say “I’m just a server.”

Well, not after today. Not after this post, heck, not after this sentence. I am a server. A waitress, sure, but I am more specifically, here to serve.

That is, after all, what I believe my life for. To learn, to grow and to serve. I serve truth, love, light, with cocktails.

First Peak Spiritual Experiences

I’ve had quite a few peak spiritual experiences in this life. Moments of absolute clarity, feelings of oneness where the illusion of separation between me and the divine lifts.

These are the kinds of moments seekers everywhere, throughout time and space yearn for. They are gifts.

These moments give utter reassurance that you are on the right track, and that everything really is ok. Perfect really.

I remember the first time my consciousness and ego really dissolved, and I felt that presence. I was about 16, and I was in my car, leaning back and listening to a electronic music track (no idea what it was called). The track moved into a piece where it was just someone taking incredibly long, slow breaths. I decided to breathe along and the inhalations and exhalations were so long they were just at the edge of my comfort zone.

It was basically my first guided meditation, and soon I felt my borders dissolving, and the gentle, graceful comfort of divine presence pretty much cradling me in their arms.

I don’t know how long the moment lasted, but I do know I felt bolstered, reinforced, refreshed and rejuvenated. I knew then with certainty (though I had never really doubted), that I was not alone.

I had grown up in the Catholic church, and I knew intuitively that they didn’t have even close to the full story- no one religion did. I think I may have considered myself agnostic at the time, as I was exploring spirituality in different forms… Trying things and ideas on for size, to see if they resonated.

This experience moved me away from the more intellectually oriented reason based philosophical pursuits of knowing God (I had been unknowingly following a sort of jnana yoga path, as I was pretty rational and intellectual at the time), and moved me towards the mystical, experiential, devotional and ecstatic.

I’ve had plenty of other peak experiences since then, including the one I wrote about here: http://wp.me/p12dXx-S and I’ll write more about them as time goes on. They’ve been fairly diverse since I have a bit of a hodgepodge of practices and interests, but they all have brought me to the same place- a place of connection with the divine. A place of utter peace and comfort.  I’ve found that place through dance, hooping,  meditation, prayer, kirtan (mantra work), in the arms of my beloved, and I’ve just wound up there spontaneously.

There are many (innumerable) paths that lead to the same place.  How you get there doesn’t matter, only the experience does. That’s what it’s all about, and that’s why we’re here. For the Experience.

The Power of Awesome

We all have the power of awesome within us, waiting to be unleashed.

We just need to be reminded of that.

Enter Barney Stinson,

Stage right,  ready to take on the world, and sleep with as many sluts as will have him- while wearing a magnificent suit.

Barney is character on the sitcom How I Met Your Mother,  played by Neil Patrick Harris. He is also one of the most important pop culture philosophers since The Beatles and Lisa Simpson.

Sure he’s a womanizing, self centered jerk who likes girls with daddy issues. But he’s also a good friend, and a man who knows how to  suit up and seize life by the balls and shake it.

Barney’s shared many nuggets of wisdom over the  5 seasons of the show, but it’s really his enthusiasm and his firm grasp of the power of his own mind as the deciding factor in his destiny that I love.

Barney’s wisest words : “When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead! True story!”

It’s The Secret, in a suit. Using the law of attraction by controlling your thoughts to shape your reality.

You can watch the clip here:

I’ve long known the power I have over my own mind, and that we choose what our mood will be. We can’t control outside circumstances, just how we react to them. But it’s hard to always practice that. Sometimes we need reminders.  In situations like these, it’s helpful to ask WWBD? (What would Barney do?).

A few weeks ago, I woke up after a crappy sleep, feeling angry and thinking it was going to be a terrible day. Then, I decided to be awesome instead. And I was, all day- even after 12 hours at work. I think it helped that I suited up when I walked in to work. There is just something powerful about wearing a tie.

When it comes to thinking WWBD?, sometimes the specific answers aren’t  going to be incredibly helpful in your particular situation. For instance, Barney’s reaction might be to “Suit up!” or to concoct an elaborate scheme to convince a girl that a future version of him has traveled back in time to tell her that she needs to sleep with present Barney so that he might save the world from global warming.

That’s ok. As with any role model, you really just need to concentrate on the most important part of their message.

So think, WWBD? next time you feel sad, then be awesome instead!

Mysteries that seemed not quite so mysterious

I don’t remember that much of my childhood. It feels almost as though I were on autopilot most of the time, waiting to grow up a bit before really being present. I guess that’s probably true of most people. I felt like I was waiting to get to the good stuff.  I remember spending as much time as I could reading.  I always had my nose in a book…   I broke my pinkie toe walking into a wall while I was reading.

I read a wide variety of things, but I loved historical fiction and non fiction that explained the world to me… I remember being captivated by things like Ancient Egypt, and captivated by tales of mystics and things running towards the more “occult” and “New Age” categories.

I also remember realizing at about age 11, that I could get anything I wanted, if I focused hard enough.I also found that nothing ever really surprised me. Learning anything new felt more like remembering something. I felt as though the mysteries of the world weren’t really as mysterious as they seemed, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it yet.

I grew up Roman Catholic from my mom’s side, but with a distinctly rational, scientific bent from my dad. I went to a Catholic Elementary school, and  a Lutheran high school. I always believed in God. I could feel the presence of the divine at times, but I didn’t know exactly what form it actually took (if any at all).

I decided not to be confirmed at age 11. I respected the church, but I knew that it was missing giant pieces of the puzzle, and also, missed a whole lot of the point. Through out the next few years, I considered myself to be agnostic and I explored as much religion and philosophy as I could get my hands on. I was lucky enough to learn about different world religions in high school, where we studied Judaism, Buddhism, Zoroastrianism, Catholicism, Protestantism, Hinduism, Jainism and Islam  in Christian Ethics classes. We also learned how to meditate, and learned about the difference between new Religions and cults.

I embraced Eastern Religions, attracted to the idea of a less anthropomorphic divinity. I adored Hinduism, with it’s emphasis on yoga (union with the divine) as having many different paths- knowledge, devotion, etc. I couldn’t imagine there being any one right or wrong way to connect with the divine.

During my post secondary schooling, I continued to study religion and spirituality cross culturally, and I came to think of myself as a Universalist – someone who believes that ultimately at the core, all religions are saying the same thing when you strip away the man made dogma.

I was about 25 when everything  came together for me, and I felt like I had discovered what I truly believed spiritually. This was after years of searching and introspection, mystical experiences, meditation, heated debates and discussion and revelations.

We are all sparks of the divine. Ultimately there is only one,  the source, but the universe exists in duality, and there are male and female aspects of the divine. The God and Goddess. The male aspect represents unmanifest pure consiousness. Pure awareness. The female aspect represents manifestation.  Thought manifests as sound. The primordeal Ohm (or OM, or AUM) is the foundation for all that is manifest. At the root of this sound, is love.

Creation is infinite, and there are constantly new kinds of energy, and new beings of spirit being created, in many, many different forms. We are but one kind of energy which is a manifestation of divine energy. Our spirits, and everything exist because we can.  Pure consciousness and pure awareness  becomes form, so there can be experiences. There is a big difference between intellectual knowledge and experiential knowledge.

We, as beings of spirit, incarnate on Earth to Experience. Everything. We want to, so we can learn for ourselves, and experience things for the universe as a whole. We all contribute to the whole, which synergistically is greater than the sum of it’s parts. Everything thing we experience goes into making existence what it is, which is everything.

The challenges and the darkness are part of duality. We learn from the darkness, from pain and from suffering. It’s part of the human condition on purpose. We choose to experience pain so that we can learn from it, for ourselves and for everything else.

Our spirits evolve as they learn and grow. Some of us are older and more experienced than others. Some of us are brand new souls who are incarnating for the first time. Some of us have had experience on other planets and in other dimensions (Earth isn’t the only planetary school).  The universe is more wondrous, diverse and amazing than we can conceptualize while we inhabit a human body and brain. This isn’t all there is. There are layers and layers, other dimensions to the fabric of existence. It’s amazing and awesome (in the new and the older sense of the word).

The really good news is- being on Earth is the hardest part. Seriously. Those of us who have chosen to come down here to learn are hard core. It’s a tough school. So tough countless beings never come here. Some never come back after a few lives. We’re here because we want to be. Be proud of yourself for making it here, and making it this far. The very fact that you are living and breathing on this Earth proves that you are a strong, beautiful soul who is dedicated to their own evolution and higher learning.

If you are reading this, you are a lightworker. A soul incarnate, dedicated to spread light and love on the Earth. You may know this already, or you may have just always felt that you have a purpose. A mission in life and a reason for being here.  It’s true. You do.  Individual reasons for being here vary, but it’s all about the Experience. To learn, and to help. To love and to be loved.

There are more of us here on the planet than ever before and we are working together to create a world where love is all there is.

Hello world!

I’m finally ready to start typing.

I’m ready now to bare myself, unselfconsciously to the world. Or at least, to the internet.  I’ve been reluctant and in some cases, terrified to speak as candidly as I want to, and I know I need too, about life, spirit and love.

I know, I remember and I trust myself now. I used to wonder, who the hell did I think I was to want to share this with the world? I was just a little girl. But I’m a woman now, and more importantly, I’m a servant of the Goddess- a servant of love. A messenger of light, just like countless other beings  here to share a message of light and love.

I want you to know:

Everything is all right.  In fact, everything is just as it should be. We’re all here on Earth willingly, to learn. We’re all students, here for The Experience. You’re never alone, and you have more help than you can even imagine.