Allowing Things To Flow

I know how important it is in life to surrender, and let things flow. To work with life circumstances  instead of fighting against them.  It makes everything so much easier, and I have so many examples of how things flow better for me when I accept what life is offering me and learn the lessons presented in front of me.

Yet, I forget this sometimes. I forget completely and I feel overwhelmed by circumstances.  I get frustrated when things aren’t ‘ happening exactly the way I hoped they would. Take this last month for example. I pulled a tendon in my foot, the same one I broke around this time last year. It didn’t put me out of commission entirely, but it definitely reduced my work schedule and my ability to dance. I was all gibbled at the Hoop Path workshop that I was so excited to rock out at. I still learned so much, and connected with a lot of amazing people, but it was slightly disappointing not to bring my A-game.

But there were lessons I still hadn’t quite learned from my last injury… I’m not even entirely sure what they all are (always so many lessons in each set of circumstances).  One of the things I’ve been reminded of is that I require physical activity to be able to feel healthy and happy, especially when it’s combined with a creative outlet, like dance. When I don’t dance, my emotions become erratic and everything is way too full of drama. I also think way too much.

Being injured made me start to question my plans… I want to teach sacred dance classes, but I was having trouble figuring out how to study for this and how and when to launch my new career. I kept worrying that I’d never get better, and worrying that it was a stupid idea, and that I should be looking for a more stable career with a more guaranteed income, etc, etc… I started doubting my abilities, just because I was temporarily sidelined. I have a bad habit of thinking I’ll heal faster than I actually do, which always leads to frustration and disappointment. Fortunately my sister talked me through it this time.

It’s all about respecting the ebb and flow of energy and ability, and allowing the body time to recover. Apparently tendons heal quite slowly, so I’ll have lots of opportunity to practice my patience. But it was just yesterday that I decided I was going to stop worrying about what step to take next with respect to my training and career… I decided to stop trying to force things along, and just relax and let them happen. I decided to surrender to the process (thank you SaFire for that inspiration). I decided to let go and allow things to flow.

When I got home this afternoon, I found a ‘Dance the Body Divine’ virtual facilitator training course in my inbox. I’ve been keeping an eye on their sacred dance facilitator training and I thought I was going to have to fly to the States. I didn’t expect there to be online training, and I certainly wasn’t expecting to be able to attend any training so soon but, one day after deciding to surrender and allow things to unfold, the training came to me! April 16th!

It’s so nice to be validated so quickly. It really helps drive my own point home to me!

Thank you universe for bring me the tools to help bring flow to others lives!


Laughter Yoga- Hilarious!!!!


Lately I’ve been stressing a bit about some big life changes that are coming up for me.

After having a fantastic talk with my love, we decided to try to minimize the stresses as much as we could, by stepping back and not trying so hard. To surrender and allow life to flow joyfully, instead of trying to control and decide everything.

I am super grateful that just hours after making that intention, I attended a FUN(draiser) with some of the most amazing activities, with amazing people. Edmonton has such an intensely active and amazing community of awesomeness. I can’t quite describe it, but there are so many joyful people in this city who are all about getting together as a community, celebrating life with dance, music, laughter and silliness  who are also interested in manifesting change for the world.

The laughter yoga was hilarious. We started off playing a bunch of games in a circle… There were silly games involving sound effects, movement, dancing, yelling, clapping, singing and general goofiness. We even made laughter soup. Then we had some free form laughter when we were all warmed up. We sat on the ground, leaning back against two or three people and we just laughed. Other people’s laughs were enough to make us laugh. People shouted things out. We made sounds and faces and tickled each other. We laughed and laughed and laughed until we were spent.

The premise behind this crazy laughter is that laughing feels good and it’s good for you. It floods your system with happy endorphins, lowers blood pressure, while increasing circulation and general well being. Most importantly, it increases joy. It’s also a great way to blow off steam. It sounds strange to laugh on purpose, or without finding things really funny at first, but your body can’t tell the difference AND laughter begets laughter. Fake or forced laughs become real ones really quickly in a crowd of sillies.

I feel all happy and tingly from the endorphin rush hours later.

We ended the night with a Tibetan sound healing. Our facilitator bathed us in beautiful resonant gongs sounds that vibrated through our bodies and right into our souls. It was peaceful and I felt connected to the primordial ohm, the pure resonance of manifestation, where anything is possible and everything already is. It was beautiful.

This fundraiser was to send a friend of mine and his friend to an International Drum Circle facilitator conference in South Carolina. These men do fine work already and people are excited to see what will happen when they return! I can’t wait to attend more events like this.

I’ll leave you with the parting words of one of the attendees this evening.

Peace, love and nonsense!

Reframing Christmas

I just had the best Christmas I’ve ever had.

For the first time in my life, I wasn’t with my family. I was with friends, and my fiance. I made the decision to stay off the icy roads this year and stay home. I felt really guilty at first. I felt like I was abandoning my family, but I just really, really didn’t want to do the whole Christmas thing this year. I wanted to ignore it completely. To be honest, I was getting a little bah humbug about the whole thing.

It might seem weird for someone who is all over the whole love, peace and joy thing to hate Christmas, but let me give you some background.

My parents were divorced when I was six, and from that time on, every Christmas, it was always a choice between Mom or Dad. When I was really little, they chose obviously. When I was older, I made the choice, and usually chose to spend it with my Dad, because then I got to see more family all at once. It was kind of the utilitarian choice. But no matter who I was with, I always felt like I was letting the other part of my family down.

We had some of the usual Christmas drama, as most families do. Some mild fighting, which is almost inevitable when that many people are together in an intensely emotional time of sleep deprivation, extra sugar, extra excitement with the added instability of the departure from the usual routine. But every year, I grow to hate Christmas more and more, even though I always wound up having fun in the end.   I would cry every year, usually on Christmas Eve ’cause I missed Mom, or Dad and it was usually just too much for me to handle.

So this year I wanted to stay away from all of that, to avoid all those feelings. But I still felt them. I still felt angry and sad and annoyed by Christmas even though I wasn’t going to go through all of that this year. I was so upset about it that I wondered if something traumatic had happened that I couldn’t remember on a Christmas day.

I asked my sister, since she has a much better memory (or hasn’t repressed as much from childhood as I did) and she did tell me a story that explained the depth of my feelings. One year and we can’t remember what year that was, Mom and Dad couldn’t decide who would have us on Christmas day, so we spend the morning with Mom and headed off to the airport to fly as unaccompanied minors in the afternoon to Dad’s house. The flight was empty and the flight attendants fussed over us, with a lot of pity for the poor kids of divorced parent’s flying them all over the place on Christmas day.

It all made a little more sense to me then, my feeling of being pulled in two directions at once at Christmas. I spent some time letting myself feel the unfairness of it all.  I cried, because at the time I didn’t really realize at the time how much it sucked. To survive, I just sucked it up and buried it deep down inside . I had to let myself feel that pain before I could let go of it. Feeling an emotion is the only way you can be free of it.

Once I actually acknowledge just how much Christmas sucked for me growing up, I felt lighter. Up until that point, nothing I tried really let me enjoy Christmas for more than a few moments. Now I can start reframing Christmas on my terms. As an adult, in a new city, with a new family and friends of my own.

And you know what? My whole family was supportive of me starting new traditions. They know I love them, and that I’ll get to see them next week, to celebrate without the past hanging over my head. This year, I was able to stay in the present. To be present and enjoy Christmas on my own terms, with love and joy in my heart instead of old hurts  and sadness. I’m actually already looking forward to next year.

New Reality Transmission

An international group of physicists and mathematicians have created a movement called the New Reality transmission that aims to create peace on earth, through applied physics.

“…According to the most well-tested theory in Physics, Quantum Mechanics”, your consciousness changes reality. In this theory, the phenomenon known as the Collapse of the quantum wave function is what brings reality into existence. This is a fancy way of saying that one’s conscious  observation of small unseen waves actually causes those waves to “collapse into matter. In other words, conscious observation materializes particles into existence.”

We create our own reality, and through conscious intention we can change it.
On 11-11-10, at 11:11 pm EST, for 11 minutes- people will join together on the website or wherever they are to project their conscious intention to heal the world. To create peace.  To change the world.

This will happen for 11 days, and again on 1/11/11 and 11/11/11.

Please join us!

I’m so excited, I actually wept with joy reading the website. This is it folks. This is why we’re here, and what we’ve been waiting for. We’re creating a new reality for ourselves, where people understand we are the conscious creators of our lives. Fear, war, poverty, hate- they’ll all disappear and in their place- we’ll have love, joy and freedom!





Mindfull Eating

I have, like many women, struggled with food and eating on and off for my whole adult life. I’ve used food to comfort myself, to fill an aching empty hole, when I’m bored, when I’m stressed and when I’m upset.

It’s been up and down, back and forth for years, but the better my relationship with myself, the better my relationship with food.  Over the last few years, I have spent quite a bit of time learning to get in touch with my hunger, and to really be present in my body. Basically to listen to myself.  It’s tough when you are used to denying yourself what you think you really want.

A few days ago I was reading a great book by Geneen Roth, called ‘When you eat at the Refrigerator, Pull up a chair’

She’s the author of many amazing books about food, including the bestseller ‘Women, Food and God’ which is coming up soon in my reading list (and I’m sure I’ll post about my thoughts).

In ‘When you Eat…’, she talks about being fully present when you eat, rather than allowing yourself to be distracted by other things.  She says that when you are fully present eating, you are far more satisfied. You can also listen more easily to your body, and you’ll notice when you’re full. You’ll also get far more enjoyment from the food- from really acknowledging the tastes, textures and aromas of what you’re eating.

I gave it a whirl last night. I took myself out for dinner, to an Indian restaurant, and decided to go for the incredibly fresh buffet. I was the first person at it. I got my plateful, sat down with a glass of wine and proceeded to eat, with no distractions. No phone, no book, no company. Just me, the food and the wine.

The first few bites were amazing, and then I found myself reaching for my book. I had to stop myself again and again. It was really hard to sit and be fully present. It actually became far easier after half the glass of wine though, I think it helped me unwind and relax a little. It took me out of my head, and into the present moment. Once I was really there, really present, I found myself lost in the sensations of the food, and I began to really enjoy myself. I also found that I was satisfied with less. I had no compulsion to keep eating past being full, like I sometimes do when I’m not paying attention to what I’m doing (usually I have my nose in a book when I eat alone).

So, I think I’m going to make a daily practice of mindful eating.  See if it gets any easier, and see where it takes me. I’ll let you know!

My Most Recent Union with the Divine

I just wrote about my first (although it probably wasn’t really) peak spiritual experience. I hope to eventual go back and write about more of them, but I want to record my most recent experience while it is still fresh. This happened about a month and a half ago.

I had felt like I was whirling around, too many ideas floating in my brain. I was everywhere and going no where fast… I kept thinking of things I ‘should’ be doing, or ‘could be doing’ and it was driving me crazy. I have way too many interests and talents and I felt pulled in every direction at once.

It was crazy, because I am happy to be on the path I am right now, with the life I am leading. I just got a little lost in the ‘shoulds’ and judgments I felt coming from some family members and a part of myself I was hoping I had already left behind. I was thinking about different career paths, and areas of study, everything from nursing to theology and my brain just wouldn’t stop, even though nothing felt right.

Then, when searching for a wedding present for friends, I came across a Wulfenite crystal at Ascendant Books.




Actually, I started reading a description of what Wulfenite can do, before I saw the stone. It listed things like ‘Helps focus ideas and bring them into reality’, and ‘Good grounding stone’ and about 10 other things that just sounded like exactly what I needed at the moment.

There were about 5 in the case, and the smallest one at the back-shaped like a small tropical fish, and just as beautiful, with it’s flakes of yellow jutting out in all direction started talking to me.

‘I can help you!’ It said earnestly, as it introduced itself as Wolfie.

Now, this isn’t the first crystal life form I’ve communicated with, or it might have thrown me for a loop. Sometimes they communicate telepathically with words, and sometimes it’s whole impressions and images. I was shown how badly I needed help grounding and how it would pretty much help me in every facet of my life.

Needless to say, we came home together.

Actually, driving home was a bit of a surreal experience. I felt as though I were in a slightly altered state of consiousness, as though I had been meditating for awhile- with a beautifully calm mind and a stillness pervading everything.

I had to be careful not to focus on the sensations too deeply so I could make it home in one piece.

I sat in meditation with the stone for a few minutes when I got home, but didn’t really have time to delve it.

That night, My fiance, a good friend of mine and I were spending the night out outside, listening to music, talking and hoop dancing. The two of them had just gone to the corner store, when I decided to turn off the music and sit with Wolfie for a bit.

I settled down in a lawn chair, with my barefeet on the grass, and eyes closed with Wolfie settled into my hands.

I began my mediation as I usually do, with the shielding and grounding exercise I’ve been doing for years… I let the roots grow from the soles of my feet and base of my spine down into the earth, but when I tried to stop and pull earth energy back up, I wasn’t able to… The roots kept growing, down and out, deeper, spreading into the earth, until they felt a kilometer wide, and deep… Then slowly, I felt the Earth’s energy rise through them. I had a beautiful visual image of this happening along with the sensation, and the process was exquisitely slow.

As this energy rose through the soles of my foot, up through the base of my spine and burst out the top of my head, showering down my shoulders, I felt completely taken care of.




This Earth energy is the from Gaia, Mother Earth, and from the Goddess herself. The feminine energy that creates and maintains everything… I was being held up by it, and infused with pure, maternal love and affection.

I opened my eyes and looked around as I was being filled with this energy and I saw the same energy radiating from all the trees, bushes, plants, earth- everything in nature.

I saw nature with a new reverence. It is the pure expression of the Goddess, and a pure expression of love. I then heard the words ‘This was your initiation in Wicca.”

Asking for Help

I  had a rough day yesterday.

Not anything dramatic, or horrible, just one of those days where you feel heavy, and all the little things seem to weigh you down even further. I was tired when I woke up, but I couldn’t see any reason why I should be tired after 8 or 9 hours of sleep,  so I forced myself out of bed, without being excited about the day ahead as I usually am. I did some writing. I was frustrated my eyes seemed fuzzier than usual, and that focusing seemed like hard work.  I did some dishes, broke a dish.  Went and got a new  hair cut and even though I had been looking forward to a style transformation (since I no longer wear glasses, I decided to cut some bangs). Well, they didn’t turn out quite right, but they never do the first time anyway, and it looks cute.

By the time I was finished at the salon, I had a headache of massive proportions, and popping some advil didn’t help. I ran some errands, left my keys in my car, (thankfully I didn’t lock the door), had a pedestrian freak at me for being stopped too far onto the sidewalk for his liking while I was waiting to turn onto a busy street, and came home to find that I couldn’t park anywhere within 2 blocks of my house thanks to construction on the road and people leaving piles of  wood stacked in front of my spot in the alley.

Top that off with crazy loud construction noise even in my apartment and a whiny cat and I had just had enough. I don’t deal well with stress when I’m that tired, and even though my wise and loving man reminded me I’m healing and should be kind to myself, I just couldn’t.

I was exhausted, on every level, and I just flopped on my bed and started bawling. I cried for a minute, feeling so sorry for myself, and then in my head, I cried out “Help me, please!”, and a second later, I felt a  weight come off me. It happened so fast, I was confused. I sniffled a few more times, cautiously probing my emotions, and felt peace.

Huh. That easy.

I continued to lie on the bed for a few minutes, resting and feeling myself curiously being recharged.

It’s not the first time something like this has happened to me. I think there have been more than a few desperate times when I’ve asked for help, and it’s been given.  The thing is though, you have to ask.



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