We are spiritual and physical beings

I’ve heard the phrase, ‘we are spiritual beings having a human experience’ quite a few times over the last few weeks. I couldn’t agree with that more.  Our souls, our essence is spirit. It is light, consiousness, eternal.  We come from the source and we are made of the same stuff- pure awareness made manifest.

But we come to Earth, or any other physical plane to learn about existence incarnate. In bodies, instead of energy. We fuse our soul and consiousness into a physical body, after we make a conscious choice to do so. We aren’t sent here kicking and screaming against our will. We choose the experience so we can learn as much as we can, and spread as much love and light around as possible.

The point isn’t (usually) to transcend our physical bodies, although that can be done. The point is to fully inhabit them! We are spiritual beings, purposefully having a physical experience. There are so many joys to being in a body.  Being able to move, breathe, dance, make love, run, and sleep. We don’t have these kinds of sensations the same way when we exist in our spirit form.

There is nothing profane about the body or anything physical, in spite of what the puritanical roots of North America might say. The body is sacred. It deserves to be revered, and treated with respect.  To do that, we have to honor and acknowledge our physical side. Take pleasure in our bodies, and in what they can do.

Delight in the sensations the physical world brings… The feel of a soft material brushing against your skin, the sensation of gliding through water when you swim, the feel of your heart pounding in your chest when you run, or even when something startles you. This is what being alive feels like.

Fully integrating with the body actually helps your spiritual growth. Fighting against your own incarnation does more harm than good. Even if you don’t really want to be here, and you miss home- you’ll get far more out of the experience if you allow yourself to enjoy your physical exisitence.

You can do this by becoming comfortable in your body, learning to pay attention to it, and what it is telling you. When you spent too much time in your head, you disconnect from the wisdom of your body.  You’ll only be comfortable fully inhabiting your body if you take the time to properly care for it. Feed yourself, water yourself, exercise, and get enough sleep. If you don’t care for your body, being in it becomes unpleasant, and then we disconnect to avoid feeling those unpleasant sensations, and miss such a integral part of our human experience.

Be in your body, although you are not of it. Love it, and it will love you back. More love is always a good thing.



Nadir Yoga (There is only one message)

I read recently about an interesting practice called Nadir yoga*.

* Yoga isn’t just  the physical practice of postures and breathing  that you normally see. That’s called Hatha yoga, and was developed as a way of yogis to prepare their body for sitting in long hours of meditation. There are many kinds of yoga, which literally means- path to the divine, or state of union with the divine.  For example, there is Jnana yoga, which is the path of knowledge (reading and interpreting sacred texts, etc) , Bhakti yoga- the path of devotion (through prayer, meditation, ritual, festival etc), and many others.
Nadir yoga is  the practice of listening closely to the ringing/buzzing tones that lightworkers often hear in their ears. These tones are said to be messages- information for us that is being downloaded into our psyche, subconsciously by beings of light. Angels, guides, ascended masters or what have you. Beings who are helping us on our journeys.

When you listen closely to these tones, by closing your eyes in a quiet space, and focusing on them intently, you can ride with the tones deeper and deeper into a meditative place and altered states of consiousness.

Tones and ringing like this can be from a physical source, like you were listening to loud music, or they could have a neurological source. If this is the case, attention and focus on the tones won’t change anything. But if they are messages for you, with your focus and attention, the tones will shift and change, and you can follow them towards the divine.

The other night, I was listening intently, focusing inwards on the ringing in my ears which I found brought me into a peaceful meditative state quite quickly. I enjoyed listening to the tones as they changed, it was fascinating, and brought my attention deeper and deeper within myself. At some point  I asked what the message was and  I was told, there is only one message: Love.

My Most Recent Union with the Divine

I just wrote about my first (although it probably wasn’t really) peak spiritual experience. I hope to eventual go back and write about more of them, but I want to record my most recent experience while it is still fresh. This happened about a month and a half ago.

I had felt like I was whirling around, too many ideas floating in my brain. I was everywhere and going no where fast… I kept thinking of things I ‘should’ be doing, or ‘could be doing’ and it was driving me crazy. I have way too many interests and talents and I felt pulled in every direction at once.

It was crazy, because I am happy to be on the path I am right now, with the life I am leading. I just got a little lost in the ‘shoulds’ and judgments I felt coming from some family members and a part of myself I was hoping I had already left behind. I was thinking about different career paths, and areas of study, everything from nursing to theology and my brain just wouldn’t stop, even though nothing felt right.

Then, when searching for a wedding present for friends, I came across a Wulfenite crystal at Ascendant Books.




Actually, I started reading a description of what Wulfenite can do, before I saw the stone. It listed things like ‘Helps focus ideas and bring them into reality’, and ‘Good grounding stone’ and about 10 other things that just sounded like exactly what I needed at the moment.

There were about 5 in the case, and the smallest one at the back-shaped like a small tropical fish, and just as beautiful, with it’s flakes of yellow jutting out in all direction started talking to me.

‘I can help you!’ It said earnestly, as it introduced itself as Wolfie.

Now, this isn’t the first crystal life form I’ve communicated with, or it might have thrown me for a loop. Sometimes they communicate telepathically with words, and sometimes it’s whole impressions and images. I was shown how badly I needed help grounding and how it would pretty much help me in every facet of my life.

Needless to say, we came home together.

Actually, driving home was a bit of a surreal experience. I felt as though I were in a slightly altered state of consiousness, as though I had been meditating for awhile- with a beautifully calm mind and a stillness pervading everything.

I had to be careful not to focus on the sensations too deeply so I could make it home in one piece.

I sat in meditation with the stone for a few minutes when I got home, but didn’t really have time to delve it.

That night, My fiance, a good friend of mine and I were spending the night out outside, listening to music, talking and hoop dancing. The two of them had just gone to the corner store, when I decided to turn off the music and sit with Wolfie for a bit.

I settled down in a lawn chair, with my barefeet on the grass, and eyes closed with Wolfie settled into my hands.

I began my mediation as I usually do, with the shielding and grounding exercise I’ve been doing for years… I let the roots grow from the soles of my feet and base of my spine down into the earth, but when I tried to stop and pull earth energy back up, I wasn’t able to… The roots kept growing, down and out, deeper, spreading into the earth, until they felt a kilometer wide, and deep… Then slowly, I felt the Earth’s energy rise through them. I had a beautiful visual image of this happening along with the sensation, and the process was exquisitely slow.

As this energy rose through the soles of my foot, up through the base of my spine and burst out the top of my head, showering down my shoulders, I felt completely taken care of.


from crystallite.com


This Earth energy is the from Gaia, Mother Earth, and from the Goddess herself. The feminine energy that creates and maintains everything… I was being held up by it, and infused with pure, maternal love and affection.

I opened my eyes and looked around as I was being filled with this energy and I saw the same energy radiating from all the trees, bushes, plants, earth- everything in nature.

I saw nature with a new reverence. It is the pure expression of the Goddess, and a pure expression of love. I then heard the words ‘This was your initiation in Wicca.”

Asking for Help

I  had a rough day yesterday.

Not anything dramatic, or horrible, just one of those days where you feel heavy, and all the little things seem to weigh you down even further. I was tired when I woke up, but I couldn’t see any reason why I should be tired after 8 or 9 hours of sleep,  so I forced myself out of bed, without being excited about the day ahead as I usually am. I did some writing. I was frustrated my eyes seemed fuzzier than usual, and that focusing seemed like hard work.  I did some dishes, broke a dish.  Went and got a new  hair cut and even though I had been looking forward to a style transformation (since I no longer wear glasses, I decided to cut some bangs). Well, they didn’t turn out quite right, but they never do the first time anyway, and it looks cute.

By the time I was finished at the salon, I had a headache of massive proportions, and popping some advil didn’t help. I ran some errands, left my keys in my car, (thankfully I didn’t lock the door), had a pedestrian freak at me for being stopped too far onto the sidewalk for his liking while I was waiting to turn onto a busy street, and came home to find that I couldn’t park anywhere within 2 blocks of my house thanks to construction on the road and people leaving piles of  wood stacked in front of my spot in the alley.

Top that off with crazy loud construction noise even in my apartment and a whiny cat and I had just had enough. I don’t deal well with stress when I’m that tired, and even though my wise and loving man reminded me I’m healing and should be kind to myself, I just couldn’t.

I was exhausted, on every level, and I just flopped on my bed and started bawling. I cried for a minute, feeling so sorry for myself, and then in my head, I cried out “Help me, please!”, and a second later, I felt a  weight come off me. It happened so fast, I was confused. I sniffled a few more times, cautiously probing my emotions, and felt peace.

Huh. That easy.

I continued to lie on the bed for a few minutes, resting and feeling myself curiously being recharged.

It’s not the first time something like this has happened to me. I think there have been more than a few desperate times when I’ve asked for help, and it’s been given.  The thing is though, you have to ask.



Seeing The Sacred




Albert Einstein said,

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

I know it’s sometimes hard to keep that in mind, but life is so much more joyful when you can see the miracles surrounding you every day. It’s easy to get swept up in the mundane, or to get caught up in dividing the sacred and the profane.  There really isn’t any difference though. Everything comes from the same source, the same light, the same primordial sound (Ohm/love), therefore everything is sacred. Even the muck on the bottom of your shoe, the subway tracks and Pauly Shore movies.

I love those moments  and images that stop you in your tracks and remind you that everything is a miracle, even if it’s just stumbling across a photo on line.

My eye surgery has  been amazing, but my vision isn’t perfect, and it’s been a little frustrating cause I have a harder time reading than I used to (no long term worries, I’m sure we’ll get it sorted). But the surgery has had the added bonus of helping me to see the sacred in the mundane every day. I knew that halos and starbursts around lights were a very probable side effect of the surgery, lasting for months, or perhaps forever.  I was pretty optimistic I could handle them, I used to have them when I wore contacts. It turns out, they’re huge, and kind of imposing at night, or when the sun glints off something shiny like the faucet on my kitchen sink. But they are gorgeous. Everything is swathed in halos, shimmery and kind of resplendent. Everything now looks as sacred as it really is.


Happy Thanksgiving

It’s Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend, and I’m not really celebrating in the traditional way since I’ll be working tonight and tomorrow, but I still wanted to give thanks. I have a lot to be thankful for. You all know I’m big on gratitude, and I have to say, after this eye surgery, I feel so full of gratitude and thanks I might explode! (What a way to do that would be, hey?)

I am so very thankful for my life. All of it. I am so lucky that I am doing exactly what I want to be doing. I honestly can’t think of a single thing I would change about my life right now.

I’m not going to make a list, because it sounds so trite.

I am really, honestly and truly thankful for every little bit of my existence, and all the people and things in it. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I am also incredibly thankful to know that it’s not just dumb luck that I am so happy with everything. I am grateful I have taken the time and effort to learn how to create and manifest my life into it’s current form. I am incredibly grateful that my journey has brought me here, and also so grateful to know it will never end.


Was Blind….

But I had laser surgery!!!!!!!

I’ve gone from being blind and helpless without my glasses or contacts to being able to see better than I ever imagined  without them in less than 24 hours.

I shouldn’t be on the computer for too long right now, so I’ll keep this brief.


Thank you thank thank you! Thank you to my surgeon, the fantastic staff at Laser MD (especially the guy who held my hands during the actual surgery), to my best friend and my love for taking such good care of me yesterday, to all my friends and family who were so excited for me, to everyone who wished me well and to the universe for existing and allowing it all to happen.

It’s still very surreal, and very amazing. I don’t think the full significance will sink in for a while, but I am so full of gratitude right now. Oh, also, I wanted to thank the laser of awesome for zapping me. Eximer laser, you rocked my world!

It’s going to be interesting to see how this will affect my life, in the day-to-day and at the spiritual level. I already find it empowering, to no longer be dependent on corrective lenses, or someone else to help me see. All I know so far is that it’s awesome to be able to see.

Cultivating Gratitude


I haven’t blogged much yet about gratitude, which is strange, because it’s something I think about all the time.  Actually, when I started actively cultivating gratitude in my life, my whole life changed. Something shifted and everything just became more wonderful, literally. I was full of wonder and awe at all the amazingness that life has to offer.

Gratitude is pretty much a standard part of any spiritual life or philosophy. You hear a lot about giving thanks, and being grateful for what you have. But how often do you really take a few minutes to feel gratitude for what is?

A few years ago, I started seeing number combination’s of 1, 2, 3’s and 0’s on the clock constantly. It seemed like I would just happen to glance at the clock at 1:23, 11:23, 11:32, 10:23, 10:32 and so on every day.  Morning and night. I felt like I was being guided to see those numbers, and I felt it might mean something. I couldn’t figure out what the meaning was (not that I looked that hard into it), so I just took it as a sign to take a moment out, and be grateful. Sometimes I would think of something specific, and other times it was just a general shout out, a ‘Thank you!’ to the universe.

As time went on, gratitude became such a habit, that I was feeling it at other times than when I looked at the clock or saw a number combination. I started feeling it more intensely as well, with every fiber of my being, a true gratefulness for absolutely everything.

I found out later that the numbers have several meanings, but basically they state that you are being guided, and your thoughts are manifesting, so keep your thoughts positive and your intentions of the highest order.

As I cultivated this gratitude, my thoughts naturally became more positive. You manifest what you think of, so as this happened,  more and more awesomeness manifested in my life.

And for that,  I am incredibly grateful.

Flowing with Tao

One of my favorite spiritual stories  is the tale of an old  Taoist farmer who had worked his crops for many years.

One day his horse ran away.

Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. “Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically. “We’ll see,” the farmer replied.

The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. “How wonderful,” the neighbors exclaimed. “We’ll see,” replied the old man.

The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. “We’ll see,” answered the farmer.

The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. “We’ll see,” said the farmer.

This story illustrates the Taoist philosophy of allowing life to happen. Flowing with it, rather than fighting it and allowing things to be, without excessive rumination, thought, or planning.  One of the things I have taken to heart is the reminder that no matter how bad an event might seem, something good may come of it.  You don’t know where it will lead you.

I broke my own leg at the end of February last year.  I couldn’t work for 2 months, and on the surface, it sucked (obviously). But it was one of the best things to ever happen to me. I learned so much from the experience.  I was fortunate enough to realize it for what it was at the time. An opportunity for learning, introspection and to change directions.  This blog is a direct result of that injury. A series of timely coincidences and opportunities lead me to start writing for a now defunct blog, (and I actually got paid to do so). That experience boosted my confidence in my writing skills while I was planning and plotting out this blog.

I learned other invaluable lessons that I’ll write about in a future post, but the most important one really was to appreciate whatever life throws at me, because it is always an important lesson, and it will most likely lead me in directions I couldn’t even imagine.

From taoistic.com

Taking Pride In Your Work

When people ask me what I do for a living,  I usually reply, I’m just a server.

Never mind that I can’t think of anything I’d rather do right now, never mind that I love my job, that it’s fantastic money, and flexible hours. Never mind that I work at one of the nicest restaurants in the city.  I still have a hard time taking ownership of my job title.

I used to have more prestigious job titles in front of my name. Box Office Manager, Operations Manager. They sound better than being a mere ‘server’, don’t they? I used to have employees, tons of responsibility (and the stress and long hours that come along with it).  I don’t really miss that (all right, sometime I do), but I do miss the sense of pride that came with having those jobs.

I have been working on taking pride in what I do now. I have made a conscious choice to be doing what I am doing, and I love it! I love hosting people. Entertaining them, plying them with food and drink and helping them enjoy their meal out.  I love taking care of them. It’s something I do very well, and I do take pride in that. It’s a fantastic feeling to be complimented on your service, either verbally, or with a big tip (although the best feeling is when both are given at once).  But I still say “I’m just a server.”

Well, not after today. Not after this post, heck, not after this sentence. I am a server. A waitress, sure, but I am more specifically, here to serve.

That is, after all, what I believe my life for. To learn, to grow and to serve. I serve truth, love, light, with cocktails.

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